Torn

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2020 Barrett Winner

4th Place Kalani Olatunji

Talking with him is an open road with many different journeys
Talking with you is like a conversation with a shadowy figure that is scared to come out into the light

He looks at me as this sweet girl
You look at me as you would a project
But what you both fail to realize is that I am neither
I am not as kind and sweet as you think,
Matter of fact, I am just like you

Beneath this exterior, I am demon too
I am no project
I will never be poked and prodded
To be honest, I can hide just like you
become a mystery too

Believing in him is hard
Not because of the noise and whisper around
But because I can tell that he can eat my heart and spit it out
Realization of you has hit as well
Your heart didn’t start with me; I don’t know if it ever will begin with me

I can see in your face; you will leave me for your past
Also, I can see in your face, that you’re scared to hurt me
This is to you both
Don’t look at me with pity
Don’t stay cause it’s safe

Instead,
Leave, to love her again
Leave, to be free
Leave, because I am torn between the two
I like him a lot
I like you just a notch,
I have gone to depths to figure this all out

Dug in the back of my mind
Picked a part everything that drives me
Crazy for the two
Never been so confused

Does he even like me?
Should I drag you along?
He’s in the back of my mind, when I am with you

Wrong.
Wrong.
Wrong.
That’s how I feel when I think of this,
Told the gods, their response was, stop playing with your own heart
Therefore, I should be alone

Tearing things apart is a specialty of mine
Guessing that’s why,
I am torn between him and you