How to be a Heartbreaker

2025 Barrett Winner

2nd Place Alana DeMaggio

First, you have to meet a guy. He’ll be tall and rugged and flighty, with tattoos and a southern drawl. He’ll remind you of a cowboy, and you’ll like that. You’ll spend your nights in his bed and your mornings sitting on his counter as he makes you coffee. He’ll tell you he wants to marry you and buy you a big house in the mountains. One day, You’ll find a letter taped to your front door.

“I can’t do this. I’m sorry,” scrawled in his messy print. Every trace of him will be gone. You’ll burn the letter and scream till your throat is raw.

After that, you'll tell yourself never again. Grow your hair out and dye it dark. Start wearing eyeliner and stop wearing bras. Go out at night, alone, and order an old fashioned. You hate the way whiskey tastes but men will be impressed and offer to buy you another. Learn how to tie cherry knots with your tongue. Practice your facial expressions in the mirror. Learn how to pout and throw your hair over your shoulder and smile—but only with your eyes.

When men whisper unfunny jokes in your ear, touch their shoulders and make your laugh sound like windchimes. Flirt with them even if their crooked teeth and the smell of their cheap cologne make you nauseous.

Next, meet a guy at a coffee shop. An English major. He’ll be sweet and tender and talk about Plath and Wilde and Hemingway with a shimmer in his eye like sunlight hitting the waves. You can tell he's different, but it won’t matter. Lean in with your smoky eyes and sink your teeth into his neck. Ask him about his family. He’ll tell you he’s from Michigan. He’s lived here for three years and still isn’t used to the California heat. He has a little sister named Alice. He wants to be a writer, but his father wants him to be an engineer or orthodontist. Let him talk about himself. If he asks about you, change the subject: “Read me that poem about Lady Lazurus again.”

Let him take you home. After he falls asleep, still holding you close, peel your body from his. Memorize the way his hair falls and the rhythm of his heart. Leave through the backdoor without making a sound. On the walk home, find yourself in the desert. Far from the city, the stars will be the brightest you've ever seen them. Orion and Ursa Major and Aries. Lay down on the cold sand and think about your Cowboy, your Writer, your Father. Let the tears fall from your eyes until the sun rises over the Saguaros.

When morning comes, go home. Cut your hair off with a pair of kitchen scissors and call your mom. Throw out all your sheer dresses and strappy heels. Quit smoking and start drinking smoothies. Stop running away from the things that haunt you. Go to the local library and check out as many books as you can. Spend your nights with Didion and Sontag and Woolfe. If your bed is too cold, get a scruffy golden dog with brown eyes and a bad leg. Fall asleep to the sound of its breathing and feel your heart stitch itself back together.